Enough

That is one intense little word, Enough. She brings a lot of drama and pain when she travels in the concept of Not Enough. Not Enough is the negative-basis of nearly every person's desire for change, healing, growth, beauty, wanted-ness, validation, self-care, and so much more. Not Enough is a brutal task master, driving us to unreasonable expectations and self-perceptions. She is the spawn of Lack Consciousness, and as such, is cruel, heartless, violently voracious, and above all else, an absolute master liar. She rules Not Good Enough, Not Wise Enough, Not Thin Enough, Not Healthy Enough, Not a Good Enough Parent/ Spouse/ Child/  Employee/  Friend/ or Neighbor...etc.), Not Enough Self Control/ Will Power, Not Loving Enough, Not Tough Enough, Not Good Enough with Boundaries/ Money/ Time/ Energy/ Food/ Resources, etc.  Not Good Enough for God to Love, Not Worth Enough to be Bothered With/ Noticed, Not Attractive Enough, Not Enough to be Appreciated/ Enjoyed/ Wanted. 

You know there is one banging around inside of you. Take a minute to give it a voice and a name. It probably began in early childhood (though not always), coming on the heels of an event in which our parents or a significant person in our lives was being confronted with their own "Not Enough" and in consequence, didn't have Enough to meet our need. There is a desperate ache in a parental "There is Not Enough for me here, how will I ever manage to be/ give/ do Enough for you?!?" It creates a terrorized There Will NEVER Be Enough, which passes on, seemingly hopelessly, to the next generation. 

It is so pervasive, so present in everything, it seems impossible to escape. We medicate and marinate in many substances and thought processes while trying to find relief from Not Enough. We do this because she is utterly foreign to Who We Really Are and contradicts our very soul's essence, a knowledge of which cannot be entirely wiped out by Not Enough. It is rather like a homing beacon, constantly "pinging" with the Truth.  

In Christian theology is it the absence of Christ that causes this problem, and the presence of Christ is presented as the only cure. I found some peace here for awhile, but it was not "everlasting" as promised. Being based on a premise of judgment & worth, there are still some gaping Not Enough holes in this concept.  I imagine most belief systems and religions have similar pit falls. This is primarily due to attaching Inner Peace & Well-Being to an outside force. It will eventually lead to a place of unsettled dissatisfaction...yet another version of Not Enough. There is never Enough of anything on the outside to make up for the pain of Not Enough on the Inside. This only heals, fills, and overflows, from the flood of Not Enough's polar opposite truth: our own, individual experience with the Love Energy of which we are made. Conscious connection to our own Inner Being and the subsequent immersion in our very own Well-Being energy is the cure. In a nutshell, Love really is The Answer.

The energy which our souls are made of is the ultimate energy of all of Creation, and as such, cannot be divided or separated. We cannot be "lost" or "cut off" from our own Source. we are never seen as unworthy by our Inner Beings, either. Negative emotion is simply the guidance tool to help us recognize when we have chosen a frequency lower than who we really are. Rather than condemn, it invites us to realign and re-adjust. 

Most of us have had some kind of programming during our incarnations that erroneously taught us to disbelieve in the Love that lives within us. We are taught that it is selfish and inappropriate to seek after, much less receive, our own internal well of Love. But as we gain new insights and elect to listen more closely to our Inner Guidance System, the momentum of Love increases and begins to sweep out the faulty programming and concepts, restoring us to the innocent Truth we were born with.

This is my Healing Focus in May (2018), to find deeper, more deliberate connection with my Inner Being (I call her IB for short, which feels like EyeBee in my head, lol). I want to be more aware of the subtle, chronically negative thoughts that have been introducing resistance. Because once we identify what we do not want, our Inner Being aligns with what we DO want, which is always, WAY more than Enough. And I want it!

Doesn't that sound delicious? To soak and marinate in More Than Enough? To have absolute knowledge of our Goodness? I'm dedicating 31 days to goosing up my ability to  resonate with the Energy of All That Is... because after all, that's Who I Am.

Thanks for stopping by. I wish for you more than enough! 

In Joy the Journey my friends. 

Just Because I Am Good At It, Doesn't Mean It Is Good For Me

My tag line is "tech support for the soul,”™ and by naming my business Intuitive Therapies I could think of myself as the "soul's IT department," which for me, was a lovely way to play with words. My primary activity this lifetime has been to provide relief, and has been the case since my earliest memories. It showed up in my role as eldest child/only daughter to a single mom, Big Sister to 6 younger brothers, a CNA, EMT, wife, homeschooling  mom,  volunteer,  healer/Lightworker, and general purpose Bridger of Gaps. I have a knack for accessing re-Sources, and helping others connect to them, on both the physical and etheric planes. 

Recently I spent several weeks redefining what that means to me via some really interesting waves of contrast through other people's lives, which overflowed into mine, of course! There are physical, emotional, spiritual, mental, and social aspects that apply to people "going through something" and often more than one will show up at a time. I noticed that each wave was bringing me opportunities to bridge stronger and more intense needs on the physical level. I was really appreciating the emergency & medical care training I had received previously. It felt good to know what to do and how to do it in a tough situation, in a manner that minimized embarrassment and maximized self-empowerment for those I was helping. It felt fabulous to realize I "still had it," and was good at "it." But after a few of those tumultuous events I noticed an odd feeling not so quietly zipping around in the background, indicating that something was off.

I spent some time meditating on this trying to find the "offness." I found that my goal of being "tech-support" had started to filter through a lower, fear-lack belief frequency of "receiving Well-Being is precarious and easily threatened" which was translating to "urgent care" and "crisis management" for others, and of course, myself.

I heard this phrase in my Mom's voice as woke up the next morning:

Just because you are good at it, doesn't mean it is good for you. 

It was time for me to clarify my desire and intention of what I wanted to create and how I wanted to receive it. I LOVE that I get to choose! I get to decide, consciously or obliviously, what I am receiving. Some people think about the need to establish boundaries or parameters, which I had done before, but that doesn't really address -my- point of attraction as much as it does the hopeful-but-erroneous control of others' behavior. My Inner Being was guiding me to a redefined and clarified Standard Operating Procedure, or a new point of attraction. Sweet!

Epiphany in a nutshell: If my self-care & Spiritual Practice functions at the level of "crisis management/ urgent care" I will set that as my Operating Procedure and point of attraction, and invite others to meet me there to validate and manifest it.  Nor is urgent care level very durable or satisfying.

Updated Standard Operating Procedure: Every. Single. Day. Connect with Source/My Inner Being to receive Tech Support for my soul, or Well-Being. Fill up my tank, revel in the Joy that IS the Journey, relish, delight, resonate, replenish, reSource, realign, and reset my Point of Attraction. Then the frequency that invites others to meet me there to validate and manifest will feel more satisfying and sustainable.  

It is funny, because I knew that already, that updated version. What I was oblivious to was the "crisis management/urgent care" belief system that was bubbling away under the surface, putting limitations on my ability to receive that level of Support and Well-Being. It is so freaking fun and amazing to uncover those things, clean them up and set them free!

And that is definitely good for me.

Pay it Forward--With a Twist

Recently one of my aunts was in a terrible car accident which broke her neck and several other bones. During the healing process I was able to help support her and spent a lot of time with her and consequently with each of her 7 children as they rotated among themselves the love-journey of care for their mother. One of my cousins left behind a book by Oprah Winfrey entitled "What I Know For Sure,"  On page seven I read a line that made a resounding soul-echo within (you know the kind; when you find something that is simultaneously brand new and yet completely known at the most core level of your Being). 

"What I know for sure is that pleasure is energy reciprocated: What you put out comes back. Your base level of pleasure is determined by how you view your whole life."
-Oprah Winfrey (italics mine)

Here is the journey-story of what came next.

I've long considered that in the act of serving or helping others, we often give from the dregs of our ability in the misguided assumption that helping others less fortunate will somehow make ourselves feel better, rather than giving from the abundance of our well-being overflow. Consequently, when we serve/give from crumbs of need, fear, desperation, we give crumby service which then returns to us in the form of others trying to help us but with awkward feelings of manipulation, or emotional blackmail, or hidden agendas. The (crumby) energy is reciprocated.

However, when we stand confidently in our knowing of our own well-being, to witness the flow of Divine well-being in others, and then offer whatever we feel inspired to offer, the results are entirely different. A feeling of empowerment, support, wisdom, compassion expresses itself for both parties involved. The(joy) energy is reciprocated.

This was not a new concept to me, but I had never seriously applied it to my own pleasure. That was new. I had always thought of it in terms of flowing energy out to others. But pleasure, now that was energy reciprocated entirely for my own benefit alone. How I treat myself, feed myself, dress myself, think of myself, move and exercise myself, is also energy reciprocated, and it has the potential to be pleasurable or, well, not.

I had done it by accident in creating something in my home that I enjoyed looking at later; taking care of it never seemed a chore because I gained so much enjoyment, or pleasure, from it. But I had yet to apply this concept deliberately. It seemed a rare, chance sort of thing.

I started thinking about Abraham Hicks and their teachings regarding 'finding the emotion of the why you want something, and as you focus on it, you begin to live in that vibration, which means the Universe begins to respond to your desire and orchestrates the how.'  Energy reciprocated.

Combining the two concepts of the future why and pleasure is energy reciprocated, I noticed a subtle shift in my thinking. It first showed up in my garden. It is a wild, unruly thing that I feel functions more like a seasonal dragon to be conquered and in the process, I lose a lot of blood, sweat, and tears. It is not pleasurable. It is chores. It is hard. I conquer one small section each year and have to battle to keep it the following year and add on another small piece. Wild blackberries, trumpet vine, Virginia Creeper, and bind weed/wild morning glory flourish and swarm up trees and kill things with a voracious appetite. My love for bees and aversion to violent weed killers has handicapped me in this epic battle. It is not satisfying or fun. Walking through my yard I am reminded of all of the past projects I couldn't maintain and that have been swallowed back up in the sea of vines, or the future desires and visions that seemingly never bear fruit in the ongoing weed-war. This vibration of hopelessness and futility was my offering to the Universe, which of course became energy reciprocated and I received, wait for it...dun-dun-dun...more of the same!!

But one day as I walked past an apple tree, instead of seeing her all encumbered by crazy vines and wilderness, I saw her in my mind's eye as being properly pruned with a beautiful little border around her and tiny pansies growing below and nice, fat, bug-free apples dangling from her branches. I felt her joy and it became my own. I felt wild happiness in her existence and pleasure so profound in her future, that I unconsciously drew it backward, to the present, and just reveled in it as if it already had happened.

I warped time with energy reciprocated.

I had always been doing that (we all do), just in a negative fashion. I had been stewing in the soup of failure, exhaustion, frustration, overwhelm, and anticipating more of the same from the future. But to access future pleasure and pull it backward to enjoy during the process of accomplishment, to savor during the journey toward completion, to already relish what is to come, there is power in that, too. And I wanted it! 

So that is 'the twist'. Instead of 'paying it forward', feel the pleasure of the future and pull it backward, so as you move forward, it already exists. "Pleasure is energy reciprocated: What you put out comes back. Your base level of pleasure is determined by how you view your whole life."    

So tell me, how is the view from your shoes?