Last summer (2016) was an intense one beginning with a car accident that broke my aunt's neck in one state, and wrapping up with my father's funeral in another state, with a whole array of emotional and physical chaos in between. It has taken me a year to get around to finally finishing and publishing the post. I won't tell you that the healing is finished, because I don't think it ever really finishes. There are plot twists and hairpin curves that cause us to re-evaluate the whole of everything previously lived. Last summer was exactly that as it drew into hyper awareness the relationships of my childhood and how I want them to play out in my adult life. Or not.
I have learned so many things about myself, life, and relationships. Here is the first one:
"Just because it is true, does not mean it is worthy of your attention. Just because it is real, does not mean it deserves your focus."
"Where your attention goes, your heart follows; where your heart focuses, becomes your treasure; what you treasure becomes what you love and worship. Be very careful what you are giving your attention to. Just because it is true, doesn't mean it is worthy of your attention."
This information came to me from my Mom, who passed in 2007, as I was sorting out a heap of dysfunctional behavior surrounding the conclusion of my Dad's decade long battle with cancer and subsequent death. His family is estranged from him, but after my parent's divorce in the 70's, they had somehow managed to stay attached to my Mom. This put me in an awkward place of bridging too many gaps with too much emotional debris floating around. It was really brutal and I was fraying at the edges fast trying to keep it all sorted out and maintain everyone's boundaries and needs during their grief processes.
Feeling my Mom's love and support flow to me followed by these words, gave me a safe, stable place to work from, to choose from, to decide how I wanted to experience all of these changes and shifts. In the end, some relationships did not survive. Some were voted off of my island, some just fizzled out. But what remained was cleared, brighter, and more easily sustainable. The key to this little gem of mind-peace was knowing the clarity of my own desire, what I wanted my attention and focus to include. Because in the end, "worthy" is my call.