Enough

That is one intense little word, Enough. She brings a lot of drama and pain when she travels in the concept of Not Enough. Not Enough is the negative-basis of nearly every person's desire for change, healing, growth, beauty, wanted-ness, validation, self-care, and so much more. Not Enough is a brutal task master, driving us to unreasonable expectations and self-perceptions. She is the spawn of Lack Consciousness, and as such, is cruel, heartless, violently voracious, and above all else, an absolute master liar. She rules Not Good Enough, Not Wise Enough, Not Thin Enough, Not Healthy Enough, Not a Good Enough Parent/ Spouse/ Child/  Employee/  Friend/ or Neighbor...etc.), Not Enough Self Control/ Will Power, Not Loving Enough, Not Tough Enough, Not Good Enough with Boundaries/ Money/ Time/ Energy/ Food/ Resources, etc.  Not Good Enough for God to Love, Not Worth Enough to be Bothered With/ Noticed, Not Attractive Enough, Not Enough to be Appreciated/ Enjoyed/ Wanted. 

You know there is one banging around inside of you. Take a minute to give it a voice and a name. It probably began in early childhood (though not always), coming on the heels of an event in which our parents or a significant person in our lives was being confronted with their own "Not Enough" and in consequence, didn't have Enough to meet our need. There is a desperate ache in a parental "There is Not Enough for me here, how will I ever manage to be/ give/ do Enough for you?!?" It creates a terrorized There Will NEVER Be Enough, which passes on, seemingly hopelessly, to the next generation. 

It is so pervasive, so present in everything, it seems impossible to escape. We medicate and marinate in many substances and thought processes while trying to find relief from Not Enough. We do this because she is utterly foreign to Who We Really Are and contradicts our very soul's essence, a knowledge of which cannot be entirely wiped out by Not Enough. It is rather like a homing beacon, constantly "pinging" with the Truth.  

In Christian theology is it the absence of Christ that causes this problem, and the presence of Christ is presented as the only cure. I found some peace here for awhile, but it was not "everlasting" as promised. Being based on a premise of judgment & worth, there are still some gaping Not Enough holes in this concept.  I imagine most belief systems and religions have similar pit falls. This is primarily due to attaching Inner Peace & Well-Being to an outside force. It will eventually lead to a place of unsettled dissatisfaction...yet another version of Not Enough. There is never Enough of anything on the outside to make up for the pain of Not Enough on the Inside. This only heals, fills, and overflows, from the flood of Not Enough's polar opposite truth: our own, individual experience with the Love Energy of which we are made. Conscious connection to our own Inner Being and the subsequent immersion in our very own Well-Being energy is the cure. In a nutshell, Love really is The Answer.

The energy which our souls are made of is the ultimate energy of all of Creation, and as such, cannot be divided or separated. We cannot be "lost" or "cut off" from our own Source. we are never seen as unworthy by our Inner Beings, either. Negative emotion is simply the guidance tool to help us recognize when we have chosen a frequency lower than who we really are. Rather than condemn, it invites us to realign and re-adjust. 

Most of us have had some kind of programming during our incarnations that erroneously taught us to disbelieve in the Love that lives within us. We are taught that it is selfish and inappropriate to seek after, much less receive, our own internal well of Love. But as we gain new insights and elect to listen more closely to our Inner Guidance System, the momentum of Love increases and begins to sweep out the faulty programming and concepts, restoring us to the innocent Truth we were born with.

This is my Healing Focus in May (2018), to find deeper, more deliberate connection with my Inner Being (I call her IB for short, which feels like EyeBee in my head, lol). I want to be more aware of the subtle, chronically negative thoughts that have been introducing resistance. Because once we identify what we do not want, our Inner Being aligns with what we DO want, which is always, WAY more than Enough. And I want it!

Doesn't that sound delicious? To soak and marinate in More Than Enough? To have absolute knowledge of our Goodness? I'm dedicating 31 days to goosing up my ability to  resonate with the Energy of All That Is... because after all, that's Who I Am.

Thanks for stopping by. I wish for you more than enough! 

In Joy the Journey my friends. 

Soul Wanderings & My "Bio"

Recently I was invited by AJ Rasmussen, owner of the metaphysical shop, Vibez, where I work, to be a guest on her radio show, Soul Wanderings, heard on KGRAradio.com. I was to submit a "bio", which is a condensed version of my life, with highlights and bullet points, in advance. Except, I don't do condensed or "less words" very well. If you have been with me for awhile, you know how much I love the feel and texture of words!

Here is the archive link to the broadcast, which was utterly amazing and fun to do, using my very best Toastmaster skills, and below is the Super Bio, which was quite eye-opening for me as well. Thanks for stopping by today!

 ~✽~

I am a story-teller-healer. I weave energy and frequencies with words. The very first word that is at the basis of my own journey is Joy. My grandmother's name is Joyce, as is my mother's middle name, my own, both of my birth-daughter's, and a granddaughter. We are woven together by the simple understanding that there is Joy in this world to be had, as well as the instinctive desire over 5 generations of mothers to seek improvement and growth to pass on to the next generation of daughters. It is in the roots of my grandmother Joyce that my dealings with the unseen, etheric, energetic world began to take shape. She used to hide "thought-forms" of objects for us to find in her backyard, and then give us "L-rods," a type of dowsing stick, to go and find them. It was great fun for us as grandchildren, and although we knew it was odd in comparison to the things our friends did with their grandparents, it made a kind of happy, fairy-like sense in her realm.

Our Nana also learned rudimentary forms of “Westernized Reiki” energy healing techniques, which were used on and taught to us, in addition to herbal remedies and accessing the energy of pyramids. In my pre-teen years I could see the white, hazy glow around people, which I understood to be a "reflection of a person's soul or spirit." As the skill developed, I could also see it around inanimate objects. As I got a little older and my parents’ religious training influenced much of my thinking, this skill frightened me, as it was NOT part of the teachings, and I felt that I was “wrong.” I forced my gift of seeing auras to recede and fade, and I stopped using the other skills I had learned, thinking that would make me more appropriate. But Spirit-skills do not easily banish, as I learned a few years later!

Teenage rebellion - what a funny ritual we have created for ourselves now that there are no true "rites of passage" to help us understand our own growth and wisdom. I rebelled against my religion, the authority figures, and my own ideas of what a "good girl" is. I dabbled intently in drugs, alcohol, and boys (rapidly graduating to men - even married ones). I say dabbled because I was never truly addicted to any of them, but I was significantly damaged by all of them, and it took quite a bit of healing and time to recover and finally discover Me. The process of doing so came with explosive outbursts of my Spirit-skills, reclaiming me and setting my feet on this Path. The first one came on Labor Day weekend when I was 18 and met for the first time the 31-year-old man who would become my husband. I was at the top of a flight of stairs, and he was at the bottom. We were caught in some kind of tractor-beam time-warp that held us captive for several minutes until the people bottled up behind him got annoyed enough to push past him and break the spell.

The second one came that December when the same man announced with frustration that he could no longer stand by and watch me self destruct as I threw myself in more and more dangerous situations. As the door of my apartment closed behind him, I seemed to hear echoes of innumerable doors slamming shut, over and over and over. I knew something catastrophic had happened. I cried and grieved until two weeks later, when I woke up knowing he was close by. All day I felt him, as if I could turn a corner fast enough and collide with him. When he called "just to check and see if I was okay," I tore down all of the walls, threw out all of the beliefs that I was "only good for one thing” in the lives of men, and opened my heart to him. That was in 1986, and we have been together ever since. He didn't change me or expect me to change for him. He could just see through all of the lies and thinking-errors I had used to decorate my life, and he recognized the truth that was Me. Being held in his love was like being made of crystal, held up in bright sunshine. I was shot through with rainbows, and I could finally see and feel Myself. I grew capable and confident because I saw myself reflected that way in his eyes when he looked at me. I still do.

Leaping ahead, I returned to the religious teachings I had been raised with (which baffles me now!), had three more children to add to my husband’s two, homeschooled the children, worked in scouting, and supported my husband’s construction business - all the while feeling like there was more. I studied my religion deeply and fiercely, investing everything into the ideas that were taught there. Simultaneously, I became increasingly restless and dissatisfied as the feelings of knowing there was so much MORE continued to increase and ricochet around in my heart. The disparity between what my religion taught and my own experience with Divinity had grown so great that something had to change - or else I would break. People in those situations are often counseled by church leadership to put their unanswered questions on a “spiritual shelf” to be answered by God later. My shelf was loaded to an extreme, and one day, it fell.

Having a faith crisis is an interesting ride. Everything that you held dear suddenly crashes all around you in a debris field of dead beliefs and dreams. Stepping out from it is terribly liberating. I use the word “terribly” here because it was both beautiful and grace-filled, and it expanded me in a rather painful manner. Most forms of growth are filled with growing pains, I suppose, and happily I’ve never regretted my choice to move on, nor have I looked back! At this phase of my life I have watched both my parents move on to the other side, and I feel their great love for me and often their input. Grandchildren fill happy hours with more love than I could have imagined. I can see again the hazy white glow of auras and understand why they often appear around inanimate objects. I’ve enjoyed training in several different energy healing modalities, including being a certified ThetaHealing instructor with additional training in Intuitive Anatomy, a Usui Reiki Master, and Dr. Corey Sondrup’s GAMMA techniques. I’ve also studied Hal & Sidra Stone’s Voice Dialogue, Michael Newton’s Soul Journey series, Carol Tuttle’s Energy Profiling System, as well as several other techniques and therapies. I’m also an avid follower of the teachings of Abraham Hicks, and I’m joyously on the lookout for more tools and skills all the time, earning me the label of “eclectic lightworker and intuitive.”

My primary goals are 1) to find Joy in my own Journey and, 2) to assist others in their quest to do the same. I think of myself as “tech support for the soul”™ as I morph all of the healing techniques together into one practice, creating a menu of sorts that is tailor-fit to each client. We do not have the power to really heal or change things in another’s life, but we can hold a focus of someone’s well-being so powerfully strong that they can feel that frequency and grasp it for themselves. In my sessions I intuitively connect to the well-being flowing to my clients from Source and their own Spirit Guide/ Inner Being and ask how I can be of benefit. The answers that come forward are individualized for where the person is currently in their journey. I function as a sort of Tour Guide or Tech Support as I receive and feel those answers and translate and weave them into words, which then evoke images that speak directly to my client’s desire. Through some of the techniques listed above, as well as any I receive in the moment, I then witness my client receive this information on all levels of their Being and make the desired shift in their belief system and understanding.

Helping someone feel their own worth and fall in love with who they really are, sensing the glory and sweetness of their truth, is the most profound and sacred experience I have known. My Journey-Quest is for each of us to recognize this pure, Source-energy Love for ourselves and to “own it and wear it out the door.”

That, for me, is absolute JOY.

So that is my life’s work, ministry, and path: to help others as they release the resistance that encumbers their lives, setting them free to find and choose Joy.

And so it is!    

 

Just Because I Am Good At It, Doesn't Mean It Is Good For Me

My tag line is "tech support for the soul,”™ and by naming my business Intuitive Therapies I could think of myself as the "soul's IT department," which for me, was a lovely way to play with words. My primary activity this lifetime has been to provide relief, and has been the case since my earliest memories. It showed up in my role as eldest child/only daughter to a single mom, Big Sister to 6 younger brothers, a CNA, EMT, wife, homeschooling  mom,  volunteer,  healer/Lightworker, and general purpose Bridger of Gaps. I have a knack for accessing re-Sources, and helping others connect to them, on both the physical and etheric planes. 

Recently I spent several weeks redefining what that means to me via some really interesting waves of contrast through other people's lives, which overflowed into mine, of course! There are physical, emotional, spiritual, mental, and social aspects that apply to people "going through something" and often more than one will show up at a time. I noticed that each wave was bringing me opportunities to bridge stronger and more intense needs on the physical level. I was really appreciating the emergency & medical care training I had received previously. It felt good to know what to do and how to do it in a tough situation, in a manner that minimized embarrassment and maximized self-empowerment for those I was helping. It felt fabulous to realize I "still had it," and was good at "it." But after a few of those tumultuous events I noticed an odd feeling not so quietly zipping around in the background, indicating that something was off.

I spent some time meditating on this trying to find the "offness." I found that my goal of being "tech-support" had started to filter through a lower, fear-lack belief frequency of "receiving Well-Being is precarious and easily threatened" which was translating to "urgent care" and "crisis management" for others, and of course, myself.

I heard this phrase in my Mom's voice as woke up the next morning:

Just because you are good at it, doesn't mean it is good for you. 

It was time for me to clarify my desire and intention of what I wanted to create and how I wanted to receive it. I LOVE that I get to choose! I get to decide, consciously or obliviously, what I am receiving. Some people think about the need to establish boundaries or parameters, which I had done before, but that doesn't really address -my- point of attraction as much as it does the hopeful-but-erroneous control of others' behavior. My Inner Being was guiding me to a redefined and clarified Standard Operating Procedure, or a new point of attraction. Sweet!

Epiphany in a nutshell: If my self-care & Spiritual Practice functions at the level of "crisis management/ urgent care" I will set that as my Operating Procedure and point of attraction, and invite others to meet me there to validate and manifest it.  Nor is urgent care level very durable or satisfying.

Updated Standard Operating Procedure: Every. Single. Day. Connect with Source/My Inner Being to receive Tech Support for my soul, or Well-Being. Fill up my tank, revel in the Joy that IS the Journey, relish, delight, resonate, replenish, reSource, realign, and reset my Point of Attraction. Then the frequency that invites others to meet me there to validate and manifest will feel more satisfying and sustainable.  

It is funny, because I knew that already, that updated version. What I was oblivious to was the "crisis management/urgent care" belief system that was bubbling away under the surface, putting limitations on my ability to receive that level of Support and Well-Being. It is so freaking fun and amazing to uncover those things, clean them up and set them free!

And that is definitely good for me.

The Worth of Truth

Last summer (2016) was an intense one beginning with a car accident that broke my aunt's neck in one state, and wrapping up with my father's funeral in another state, with a whole array of emotional and physical chaos in between.  It has taken me a year to get around to finally finishing and publishing the post. I won't tell you that the healing is finished, because I don't think it ever really finishes. There are plot twists and hairpin curves that cause us to re-evaluate the whole of everything previously lived. Last summer was exactly that as it drew into hyper awareness the relationships of my childhood and how I want them to play out in my adult life. Or not.

  I have learned so many things about myself, life, and relationships. Here is the first one:

"Just because it is true, does not mean it is worthy of your attention. Just because it is real, does not mean it deserves your focus." 

"Where your attention goes, your heart follows; where your heart focuses, becomes your treasure; what you treasure becomes what you love and worship. Be very careful what you are giving your attention to. Just because it is true, doesn't mean it is worthy of your attention."

This information came to me from my Mom, who passed in 2007, as I was sorting out a heap of dysfunctional behavior surrounding the conclusion of my Dad's decade long battle with cancer and subsequent death. His family is estranged from him, but after my parent's divorce in the 70's, they had somehow managed to stay attached to my Mom. This put me in an awkward place of bridging too many gaps with too much emotional debris floating around. It was really brutal and I was fraying at the edges fast trying to keep it all sorted out and maintain everyone's boundaries and needs during their grief processes.

Feeling my Mom's love and support flow to me followed by these words, gave me a safe, stable place to work from, to choose from, to decide how I wanted to experience all of these changes and shifts. In the end, some relationships did not survive. Some were voted off of my island, some just fizzled out. But what remained was cleared, brighter, and more easily sustainable. The key to this little gem of mind-peace was knowing the clarity of my own desire, what I wanted my attention and focus to include. Because in the end, "worthy" is my call.

 

Pay it Forward--With a Twist

Recently one of my aunts was in a terrible car accident which broke her neck and several other bones. During the healing process I was able to help support her and spent a lot of time with her and consequently with each of her 7 children as they rotated among themselves the love-journey of care for their mother. One of my cousins left behind a book by Oprah Winfrey entitled "What I Know For Sure,"  On page seven I read a line that made a resounding soul-echo within (you know the kind; when you find something that is simultaneously brand new and yet completely known at the most core level of your Being). 

"What I know for sure is that pleasure is energy reciprocated: What you put out comes back. Your base level of pleasure is determined by how you view your whole life."
-Oprah Winfrey (italics mine)

Here is the journey-story of what came next.

I've long considered that in the act of serving or helping others, we often give from the dregs of our ability in the misguided assumption that helping others less fortunate will somehow make ourselves feel better, rather than giving from the abundance of our well-being overflow. Consequently, when we serve/give from crumbs of need, fear, desperation, we give crumby service which then returns to us in the form of others trying to help us but with awkward feelings of manipulation, or emotional blackmail, or hidden agendas. The (crumby) energy is reciprocated.

However, when we stand confidently in our knowing of our own well-being, to witness the flow of Divine well-being in others, and then offer whatever we feel inspired to offer, the results are entirely different. A feeling of empowerment, support, wisdom, compassion expresses itself for both parties involved. The(joy) energy is reciprocated.

This was not a new concept to me, but I had never seriously applied it to my own pleasure. That was new. I had always thought of it in terms of flowing energy out to others. But pleasure, now that was energy reciprocated entirely for my own benefit alone. How I treat myself, feed myself, dress myself, think of myself, move and exercise myself, is also energy reciprocated, and it has the potential to be pleasurable or, well, not.

I had done it by accident in creating something in my home that I enjoyed looking at later; taking care of it never seemed a chore because I gained so much enjoyment, or pleasure, from it. But I had yet to apply this concept deliberately. It seemed a rare, chance sort of thing.

I started thinking about Abraham Hicks and their teachings regarding 'finding the emotion of the why you want something, and as you focus on it, you begin to live in that vibration, which means the Universe begins to respond to your desire and orchestrates the how.'  Energy reciprocated.

Combining the two concepts of the future why and pleasure is energy reciprocated, I noticed a subtle shift in my thinking. It first showed up in my garden. It is a wild, unruly thing that I feel functions more like a seasonal dragon to be conquered and in the process, I lose a lot of blood, sweat, and tears. It is not pleasurable. It is chores. It is hard. I conquer one small section each year and have to battle to keep it the following year and add on another small piece. Wild blackberries, trumpet vine, Virginia Creeper, and bind weed/wild morning glory flourish and swarm up trees and kill things with a voracious appetite. My love for bees and aversion to violent weed killers has handicapped me in this epic battle. It is not satisfying or fun. Walking through my yard I am reminded of all of the past projects I couldn't maintain and that have been swallowed back up in the sea of vines, or the future desires and visions that seemingly never bear fruit in the ongoing weed-war. This vibration of hopelessness and futility was my offering to the Universe, which of course became energy reciprocated and I received, wait for it...dun-dun-dun...more of the same!!

But one day as I walked past an apple tree, instead of seeing her all encumbered by crazy vines and wilderness, I saw her in my mind's eye as being properly pruned with a beautiful little border around her and tiny pansies growing below and nice, fat, bug-free apples dangling from her branches. I felt her joy and it became my own. I felt wild happiness in her existence and pleasure so profound in her future, that I unconsciously drew it backward, to the present, and just reveled in it as if it already had happened.

I warped time with energy reciprocated.

I had always been doing that (we all do), just in a negative fashion. I had been stewing in the soup of failure, exhaustion, frustration, overwhelm, and anticipating more of the same from the future. But to access future pleasure and pull it backward to enjoy during the process of accomplishment, to savor during the journey toward completion, to already relish what is to come, there is power in that, too. And I wanted it! 

So that is 'the twist'. Instead of 'paying it forward', feel the pleasure of the future and pull it backward, so as you move forward, it already exists. "Pleasure is energy reciprocated: What you put out comes back. Your base level of pleasure is determined by how you view your whole life."    

So tell me, how is the view from your shoes?

It's a long time to hang in the sky. -John Denver

I have begun so many things with great enthusiasm and wild abandon, only to find the learning curve exceeds by ability to bridge the old place and the new, and writing the old news makes me feel stuck in the past just a bit.  I've decided to reformat the concept of development and expansion; to stop looking at the phases as independent of one another and actually discover what I have suspected all along: the flow that expresses itself between contrasting epiphanies.

So, here I am, attempting to pull the intuitive wisps of insight and happiness from the ether where they have been hanging. I hope that giving them form with words will not make them concrete conceptual stumbling blocks, but rather allows them to be experienced just long enough to be absorbed, adapted, morphed and set free to expand--which is what makes us eternal beings in the first place.

It is a common expression that we are to find 'joy in the journey' by making lemons into lemonade via the spoonful of sugar we call positive thinking.  This is good. Very good. But one of those wisps of insight whispered to me once that being more aware of our emotions allows us to use them as a rudder, steering in a journey that IS joy.

Even our so-called negative emotions have this power.

For the most part, converting emotions into tools of well-being is the work I do and the life I live and the relationships I have and desire more of. It is the way I teach, breathe, think, shower, study, clean up broken glass, do laundry, bury loved ones, fill out paperwork, put gas in the car, make and enjoy a meal, pay bills, work through brain farts and communication snafus. There is the potential for soul-satisfaction and happiness in all aspects of everyday living (you know, 'The Journey'). It all begins and ends with emotions.

I appreciate you sharing a portion of my Path and hope what you find here brings a sweet-spot aspect to your own.

Blissings!